Alvin & The Chipmunks Get Gangsta
5
April
This is by far the greatest video I’ve ever seen! The happy Tree Friends are no longer happy it seems. And whatever the fuck happened to Kausion?
What The F*ck – Part Deux
4
April
So… I’m on a date last night with a really nice girl. She wanted frozen yogurt, so I took her to the Menchie’s in Burbank over on Verdugo/Hollywood Way. We got our yogurt and ate it in the store. Afterwards, we went outside for a cigarette. We’re standing all the way by the curb just [...]
Refuse/Resist
18
March
I can’t remember whether “Refuse/Resist” was Sepultura or Fear Factory, so let me check… OK, turns out that “Refuse/Resist” was Sepultura, the REAL Sepultura with Max Cavalera singing, not that random talentless pussy they hired to replace him sometime back in ’98. Anyhow, the song is below. Today, I’d like to talk about resistance to [...]
Success? Suck This!
5
March
Kurt Cobain had said, “S-u-c-c-e-s-s s-u-c-k-s-e-g-g-s,” then he shot himself. Most people fear success; especially venture capitalists and middlemen. Take Jim Breyer over at Accel Partners. His career was done. He was the laughing stock of Silicon Valley. He did it to himself. As a ‘fuck it, who cares’ sort of investment, he moved some [...]
Notes On Impatience
14
February
I wanted that shit done yesterday. I wanted our funding to come in yesterday. I wanted advisors and middlemen that had a sense of urgency instead of reading one Wall Street Journal article and crying about it. I wanted that goddamn fucking meeting with those ball-less VCs yesterday, and I didn’t want them to say [...]
I Have Opinions Too, Asshole!
31
January
Opinions are like assholes; everybody’s got one. I hold my opinions close to the chest like some sort of priceless family heirloom. What do opinions matter? They’re usually wrong. When I first met my best friend Sebastian, I swore up and down that he was Fillipino or some sort of Asian. That was my opinion. [...]
Why I Always Know The Right Way To Do Things
31
January
I’ve been like this my entire life. Take kindergarten: 5 Year-Old Zen-Master J: Let’s start a business. 5 Year-Old Donald & Charleston: OK, we could draw stuff. 5 Year-Old Zen-Master J: Goddammit! That’s a great fucking idea! OK… First we have to draw stuff that will sell, like Ninja Turtles and dinosaurs. We need to [...]
Why I’m Stubborn
31
January
Squiggles are homo-erotically gay… Or so I once thought. Late one night while working tirelessly on Amanda’s poetry website, an argument erupted over the off-yellow squiggles to either side of her logo. This of course was after the argument as to why using two fonts in the same image is incredigay (both incredible and gay, [...]
Win $1,000
Zen-Master J: That's me! Zen-Master J is an entrepreneur on the gank for some VC funding. A wise-crackin' Buddhist with a natural aversion to people's whining/bullshit.My name and the names of my compatriots have been changed to protect the guilty. But... If you can guess who I am, and who they are, I'll give you $1,000 cash.
See the rest of the gang here.